Jamie o Twabuggers

Jamie o Twabuggers wis an affa loon for neeps. Ee wid sow them, hyow them an chow them till ees hert's content. In fact ee wid hiv mairried a sweet neep, a swede an aa, aa wimplit wi green schaws, gin ee hidna been snafflit bi Aggie Bubby first.

The couple an their mithers were haein fancy tea in the front room, tae annoonce their engagement.

Fa wis Aggie Bubby? Aggie Bubby wis thon orra lass wi tits wallopin fae Banchory tae Bennachie, a shock o hair like a birk wid, an a fuckin quim bi aa accoont that ye culd row back-an-fore in like a ro-ro ferry. Affa pleasant spoken.

– Jamie, ye daud o shite, get yir moo aff that neep, an gie ma bubbies a richt sook, they're like a rummle o hedgehogs tae mi.

Aa this eftir she'd cowpit'm doon on the fleer ahin the settee.

– Jamie, stop sookin ma tits in that mim-mou'd kinna wey ye silly radge. Ma cunt's needin dirlin.

Aa this eftir she'd splattert ees neep tae the skirtin an haaled ees spaver open-shive.

– Jamie, Ah tellt ye!  Pit yir cock in ma fud, nae yir pinkie finger. Stop playin wi the foal's mane an gie's a fuckin ride!

Syne auld Mrs Twabuggers an auld Mrs Bubby, comin up as smooth as twa munes ower the antimacassers, gied their loon an quine pelters wi eclairs an meringues.

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